All in All
by Xeen Cyr
Summary: Andy reflects on what's happened since the blackout
1. Chapter 1

ROOKIE BLUE

**_ALL IN ALL_**

Another Andy & Sam story. Andy reflects on what's happened since the blackout.

_But first I want everyone who reviewed/favorit'd/alert'd my previous attempts at writing RB fics. Thanks guys! __Hope you enjoy reading this one._

-o-

All in all, it'd been a good week. She thought it was going to be weird at first, being away from the 15. Then realization dawned that she definitely needed time to think, to put things back in perspective, professionally and personally. When she had asked eons ago when she would be cleared and back on duty, it was merely wishful thinking. At some point, she was not even sure she wanted to be a cop any more.

It took her the best part of the week to pull herself together. She checked on Marie a couple of times, they talked about Benny and she helped her with her groceries and domestic chores. It felt good to learn that Sam Swarek, her training officer and the object of her unexpected affection, had too. He wouldn't advertise it, but he was a good guy.

When he did not call, she was challenged. Not that she expected him to show on her footsteps with a load of red roses, but yet, she was disappointed. More than disappointed, it hurt her. Actually, she felt sadder than she was prepared to admit. Of course, it made her question her true feelings for Luke. He had made himself scarce too, during that lonely week, but she was not surprised, he was a natural. He called her on a daily basis though, and came over once with some Chinese takeout, but she made sure he didn't sleep over. When he left, he asked her if she'd like to go to his cabin and she could not muster the courage to say no. "_Oh… your cabin, yeah, yeah, it'd be great. Anytime." _That was it. She secretly hoped that it would just go away. It didn't. She was stuck with this stupid date at the end of her first shift and she had to tell him that she wouldn't go. What's the best way to say to a guy that you want to break up with him when he's been nothing but gentle and nice? She winced. She did not have the single shred of the beginning of the tiniest clue. Even if Luke was not in her direct chain of command, he was still a superior officer, and it made her uncomfortable. It's difficult to know exactly where you stand when you're in a deferential position because you're a rookie. Strangely, that didn't apply to Sam because he was nothing like Luke. Not to mention that she could never put up with the way he envisioned the job and the world in general. She wanted to have a life and enjoy herself, and for what it was worth, she did not picture herself in a relationship with someone who was married to his work. First of all, she much preferred to be with a guy she was really in love with, even if he was wrong for her, than to stay in a tepid relationship with someone who was simply safe. At this point, she wasn't even sure that the couple of get together she'd had with Luke even qualified him as a boyfriend.

It hadn't taken her the entire week to know that she was not in love with Luke Callaghan. She knew the minute her lips had locked with Sam's. It was electrifying, terrifying, elating, and the right thing to do. She felt at home. It took her the entire week to finally decide she'll tell Sam that she was not afraid of the consequences, if he was willing to give it a try that is. They could be discreet. Even if affairs are not usually considered a good thing in the force, they would manage. She was so totally certain that she felt like going to the station right away and ask Sam. Patience. She was not ready to tell him that she loved him, because she didn't know if it was love yet. She'd been lusting after her TO from day one, she suspected that much. She still ached in retrospect when she thought about the way she rejected him on the parking lot that day they saved Em. She knew she had to let him know where she stood, and not talk about her feelings, whatever they were. She had to know whether it was simply animal attraction or more. And to find out, they had to act upon it. She grinned. _The sooner the better_, she thought. There was no way she could work with him with that kind of tension. She walked out from the ladies locker room with a spring in her step, checking her hair on her way to the morning briefing. Her eyes fanned the lobby and here he was and her heart jumped in her chest when she waved shyly at him. He barely acknowledged her but his face went hard. He resumed his conversation with Noelle without a pause.

For all she knew, their relation had been going down the drain ever since. She could not fathom why they could not talk about it. She could not forget herself for going to the cabin in a futile attempt to punish him. She never intended to make him jealous. She didn't know what to do. She was mad at him for his little stunt during the retraining session. For someone as secretive as Sam Swarek, -you don't go undercover for extensive periods of time when you're not, he made it pretty obvious that he was indeed fighting for her. She was hurt, even if deep down she knew she was the one at fault here. She never should have led him on. The love triangle she had created was turning into a living hell and with their line of work, it was far from clever. But, and it was not overthinking, given the same circumstances, she would have done exactly the same thing, over and over again. Best mistake of her life. Of course, she'd known all along that the attraction was there. She even flirted with him before choosing Luke over him. When they finally kissed, it turned into an epiphany of some sort and she didn't want to lose that sensation. Mostly, she was aching inside at Sam's rejection as much as at Luke's public display of affection. He was taking her for granted and she was letting him do it.

Bottom line, she was a coward.

This last day had been a total waste of her time and resources. She had drowned in paperwork, her two hours at dispatch turning into the worst bore ever and she didn't even know if Sam was still at the station or gone home, so much for working together and being taught the trade. She pushed the door of the Penny and checked the room. Jerry was his usual flirt around Traci, Dov was tipsy already, she made a mental note of having a conversation with him asap. She was very fond of Epstein and she didn't want him to become a drunk just because he thought he needed alcohol to fit in. He was a decent cop and a great guy. She spotted Chris, alone at their table and joined him, bracing herself against the possibility she could stumble upon Swarek. On the Luke front, she was safe, he was working late on a case. _Isn't he always_? she thought, and she felt as if a heavy load had been lifted from her shoulders. By the time he was finished, it'd be too late for a 'happy' reunion. One more day without dancing around the obvious elephant in the room. She sat her back opposite the room and leaned in.

"You're okay?"

The poor guy shrugged his shoulders with a weary smile. He shook his head.

"Anything new on the Gail front?"

His head dropped to his chest and he laced his fingers over his drink. Ginger ale. She suppressed a smile. It was neither the time nor the place to tease him. He was so clearly in pain that she didn't know what to do. She reached out to him and placed her hand on his.

"It'll get better," she said. "She'll come to her senses and she'll see the great guy you are."

He gave her a quick glance. His eyes were red from exhaustion.

"Are you having any sleep?" she asked, unable to conceal the concern in her voice.

"Not lately," he wiped his eyes and looked at her, trying to put on a brave front. "My neighbour, you know."

She nodded with a smile. She knew everything about it. Chris' neighbour was a jack of all trades, a good guy who didn't work on the same neighbour's skills you should expect in this kind of neighbourhood and it had proven difficult to sleep in the vicinity of his loud partying. A strange expression passed on his face and his eyes fluttered in the direction of the bar, right above her shoulder. He cleared his throat and had a sip of his drink. She let go of his hands.

"What's wrong? Is Gail here?"

"Don't. Don't turn around," he said in a low voice, red creeping up his cheekbones and ears.

"Why?"

"Swarek is here."

"So what?" she sniggered, glancing in the direction Chris had just pointed out. Sam's dark eyes drilled a hole in her heart. She winced and turned back to Chris. "My shift's over. He cannot make my life miserable here at the Penny."

"You sure of that?"

Maybe, it was contagious, but she flushed, averting her gaze from Chris. "What do you mean?"

"Andy, I know that I'm not the cleverest guy of the pack, but I'm not blind. You've be all awkward around him for weeks. And he has too. Are you having an affair with your training officer Andy? Gail told me it was kind of a no-no, you know," he volunteered, his face now totally red.

"No, I'm not!" she shouted. She immediately regretted it since the room fell into a momentary silence while she felt curious glares burning her back. "No," she said again in a low voice. "I'm not. There is nothing between Swarek and me. I'm with Luke."

Chris nodded, but his eyes didn't leave hers. "It doesn't look that way Andy. People are getting suspicious. They'll start to talk eventually. You should be more caref…."

"I told you," she raised her voice again before realizing it was not in her best interest to give a map of her love life in a very public place loaded with police officers, she hunched over the table, her voice only a whisper. "There's nothing between us." She took his hand again. "You've got to believe me. Nothing happened!"

He looked startled and leaned in. "What do mean, nothing happened?" he was whispering now. "Did you sleep with Swarek, Andy?"

"No, of course not. He's my TO."

"Why would he beat the crap out of your detective friend then? Why would he strand you at dispatch or at your desk with the paperwork of a lifetime? Why would he avoid you? It's like he doesn't even talk to you any more."

_Oh my god, if Chris can see it, then everyone knows_, she thought. "I'm a big girl Chris, I can take it. There's nothing," she said again tentatively, trying desperately to find a way out of this conversation without hurting Chris' feelings. She shook her head with more energy than she intended to and her glass shattered to the floor.

Then she heard a too familiar voice when Sam Swarek brushed passed her on his way out.

"Mmm… McNally, giving a hard time to one of your numerous suitors? Callaghan is a very tolerant man," he chuckled.

She raised her head and gave him a meaningful glare. His face was unreadable. She almost moaned in despair.

"It's not what you th…"

"Whatever McNally. Good night Diaz," he nodded before walking out the back door. His car keys dangled against the wood and he was gone.

She felt tears welling up in her eyes and anger building up. She chew at her lower lip for a split second, shook her head and went after him.

Chris Diaz turned slightly to watch her run after Swarek. When he went back to his drink, Dov Epstein was sitting in front of him. "Chris, you got to fill me in!" the young rookie was beaming in anticipation. "Andy and Swarek, huh?" he asked, his eyebrows waggling madly. "Come on, man, hit me!"

Chris sighed. I was going to be a long night.

-o-

_for the time being, it's a one shot. tell me what you think: more or not?_


	2. Chapter 2

ROOKIE BLUE

All in All - part 2

Due to popular demand, here's is the continuation to this fic. I guess it's not going to be what you were expecting but here you go, Traci's POV. Thanks again guys for all the alerts/favoriting/etc ^_^

-o-

Traci Nash checked her watch, tossed haphazardly a bunch of disparate items from her locker into her bag. Clasping her cell in her other hand, she left the station running for dear life.

It'd been a demanding semester, and it was only the beginning, she thought, her mind in overdrive. Even if Dex had finally been true to his word and taken Leo for a good ten days, she couldn't take that for granted. She felt like she was rushing through her life like an automat. Being in automatic mode and being a cop doesn't go well together, never had, never will, she berated herself. She had to get a grip on herself before anything bad happened. There had been a few close calls for Chris and Gail already, Andy got jammed in the worst situations ever and even managed to generate a few more on her own, Dov was turning into an alcoholic to keep up. She couldn't afford to flunk, that was as simple as that.

Her training and becoming a rookie had been the best thing that ever happened to her since… forever. First she got to have new friends, not just the pity friends that stick around and drive you directly to the bottom. At last, she could let go of the guilt and anger of being a single mom because she had been left on the side of the bright yellow brick road. Her life since senior high had been a blur, but gave her the opportunity to reconnect with her mother, that was a thing to cherish. She slowed down her pace once outside the perimeter of the station, passed her car. She wanted to make sure that Andy was okay.

Stop beating yourself up, you were only trying to protect her, she said to herself. She knew now that it had not been her best move. Andy could perfectly stand alone. But, she was her best friend and to drag her into chaos, that's not your typical best friend behaviour. She would never forgive herself for being the instrument of her almost break up with Mr Homicide. She wasn't a big fan of the guy, a bit of a cold fish, generic WASP, very good at his job, the rising star of the 15. She should have listened. Andy had never told her in so many words, but Luke wasn't the most affectionate lover and she never even mentioned anything about just liking the guy. And she, Traci Nash, stopped at the basics, they were a good match, the prom queen and the poster boy, a couple matched in haven. Not good enough. She should have listened. "He's safe." _What does that even mean_, she scoffed. She gritted her teeth, her sixth sense had put her on alert for the best part of the day, something was meant to happen tonight. She had tried to reach Andy earlier on, she didn't pick up the phone.

Nash had worked two investigations today. Everything was pretty much by the book procedures but it felt good, and pretty hectic. Andy on the other hand, had been stuck to traffic and distributing speeding tickets when she was not in triage or filing paperwork for half the precinct, courtesy of Officer Sam Swarek. Their close companionship had been replaced by monosyllabic weird encounters in the lobby. _The guy's here to teach her something for crying out loud, not to lend her to any officer who needs a hot secretary with a gun as Dov said, she deserves better than being cornered by two jerks._

Luke, along with the snarky remarks and the cold shoulder, had made very clear that she was still his territory, no matter what, and the whole detective squad, minus Jerry of course, was enforcing the new rule. As a result, Andy was cut off of her rookie friends, and off limits for the rest of the 15.

She crossed the street without slowing down, and turned left to the Black Penny. She could see the signs glowing in the distance and checked her watch again. She was so late. Jerry was going to be mad. She grinned. Jerry didn't seem to be mad at her, except when she was put in harm's way because of a case. He was pretty much everything she had always hoped for. He had the dry humour, the natural nonchalance, not to mention the good looks. She of all people should have understood that what was going on between Andy and Swarek was more than mere attraction. Before attempting to salvage from an imminent wreck Andy's love life, she should have used her brains for five minutes. Andy hooked up with Swarek? Big deal, she had been dating her training officer from day one at the Academy, adopting a low profile, keeping Leo a secret from everybody but Andy. It was hard but not impossible. Andy and Sam were two (very) consenting adults. The way he looked, each time she caught him staring at her from a distance when she was unaware of his presence, was not only painful to watch, it was a confession. He might as was well have put a sign around his neck reading 'I'm desperately in love with my rookie'. Andy on the other hand was becoming angrier by the minute, at the world in general, at herself, at her co-workers. On the family front, her father had been acting out lately, even more than his usual, and it was really putting a strain on her. Andy was not only going through a rough patch, she was miserable every single minute of her life. She suspected that she was still exploring her options, narrowing them down to the only possible outcome, a way out, not only from conflicting relationships but from the Force.

_Something has gotta give_. _Rewind,_ she thought. _You wrecked her relationship with Mr Perfect, you wrecked her expectation in a fulfilling relationship with the man she wanted, you wrecked her chances at becoming a cop, and she won't even talk to you any more_.

She felt a sting of guilt as she made her final sprint to the bar. Jerry had treated her and Leo with a stroll at the zoo last weekend. It was nice and pretty normal considering. And truth be told, Dex' face when they brought him the kid at the end of the day was totally worth it and icing on the cake. She was happy and Jerry was great in the bedroom department, which made him even more precious.

She had to help Andy gain Sam's affection and loose Mr Perfect. That was the right thing to do. She didn't spot Andy when she walked in and for a split second, she thought of turning back. Then Jerry beamed at her. She threw herself at him and he seemed very pleased with it. What where the odds that he would be perfectly content with her new set of rules? Their relationship was evolving nicely to next level, the 'I'm thinking of moving in with Jerry' level. It's funny how fast time flies when you're engulfed in verbal foreplay in a very public place. Before she knew it, it was 9 and Sam Swarek was seated at the other hand of the bar, lost in the contemplation of his scotch. He would take large gulps from time to time and signal to the bartender for a refill before he was even finished. She sighed, realising she had lost track not only of time but of her mission. At some point, she had noticed Andy coming in. After that, she was having an animated chat with Epstein. She'd heard 'girl', 'sack' and 'last night'. She chuckled to herself. _Dov has got to get laid in the next future before turning into a complete idiot. _

When Sam turned to them and politely nodded, she nodded back, her pulse instantly racing. She searched for Andy frantically before her eyes fell on Chris, lost in his ever continuing sorrow over Gail's unexpected breakup. She was such a b…tch! Andy was clearly trying to cheer him up but it didn't seem to work.

"What's going on with your buddy Sam?" she asked, turning away from Chris' table.

"What do you mean?" Jerry looked startled.

"I mean, is he having a hard time adjusting back to the 15? It must be hard to spend 8 months undercover for nothing."

She knew she was fishing, and she hoped she was not too obvious. After all, Jerry was supposed to be the detective here.

"Mmm, I don't know," he said evasively, "he seems pretty normal to me."

"Really?" She pouted her mouth and quietly nodded in Swarek's direction. "So why aren't the both of you in one of your stupid conversations about baseball or spark plugs or whatever?"

"Because you're with me…" he volunteered with an enticing smile.

"What is it that you're not telling me? Look at him, for Christ's sake! You got to do something, because he's making my friend's life miserable and I won't tolerate that, Detective Jerry Barber. Isn't the guy supposed to teach her something? If he doesn't want to be paired up with her, he could at least ask for a transfer," she trailed. "Or she probably will, not so good on her permanent records. First she burns the guy and then she transfers?"

He stayed silent for a moment while she was fidgeting with her glass. "Trace, I've got to ask you."

"I'm listening…"

"I… , mmm, is there… I mean, I don't want to pry but do you know if something is going on between Sam and Andy?" he added in a low voice.

She managed to look outraged and tapped him on the chest. "Are you insinuating that my friend is promiscuous?" she asked.

"No, no, of course not."

"Then what? She's your boss girlfriend, isn't she?"

"I'm unsure," he paused. "Luke is acting weird too."

"What do you mean 'too'?"

"He kind of issued some rules about McNally."

"Yeah, bastard," she hissed.

He didn't respond to that and simply looked down. "And I would lie if I said that his brawl with Sammy on retraining day didn't raise my suspicions. Practically everyone at the 15 grilled me about it."

"And what did you say?"

"That Sammy was having a bad time adjusting back to being in uniform."

"Yeah. And what do you think?"

"Christ, Trace, I have no idea! I've never seen him like that! He's… I don't know. Maybe I could… I don't know, ask him to go easy on her. If you say they're nothing, he's got to give her some slack."

"My point exactly!" She gave him a kiss.

"No, I'm not!" Andy's voice covered the general hubbub. Everyone turned to her and resumed their conversation after a pause.

"See?" Traci stated. "She's bored out of her mind and when she's bored, she gets angry. Please, try to talk some sense into him. Maybe there's just trouble in paradise between him and his girlfriend?"

"His girlfriend?" His surprise was genuine.

"His lady friend, Nurse Monica?"

"Monica? I thought they had broken up right before he went undercover."

"Huh, really? I see. Well, I don't know Jerry, I don't mind what you do but fix it."

She was getting ready to leave when she heard the shatter of a glass on the floor. Her eyes darted back and fro from the end of the bar to Andy's table. Sam Swarek was on the move. He looked pissed beyond belief and was charging in Andy's direction. He barely slowed on his way out. After a short pause, Andy dashed after him. Helplessly, she saw the back door close behind them and sat back down.

"I'll have another drink," she stated, averting Jerry's eyes.

"Okay."

That was exactly what she liked about this guy. He never questioned her when she was having second thoughts.

-o-

at this point, I think I'll go for a few more chapters, - not necessarily long but, well, you'll see!


	3. Chapter 3

ROOKIE BLUE

_**ALL IN ALL**_

Sam's POV. They're not out of the Penny yet, but I'm getting there ;) Thanks guys for all you favoriting/reviewing/alerting, I really appreciate it.

-o-

**_Part 3_**

He was exhausted. Their pairing was exhausting. He knew that he could not take more blows without eventually crumbling down under stress. He had been careful not to cross the thin line between being an unconcerned police officer and a bad TO, -not to mention a real prick but he was getting slowly there. After his tussle with Callaghan the week before, he knew that shit had eventually hit the fan. They were the talk of town. Soon, there will be bets placed on who will get the girl in the end.

Despite his first impression, Andy McNally was a first grade rookie who did deserve to be trained. She did not want to be on the front page but simply do her job the best she could. She was going to be a stellar police officer given the opportunity. She was smart, she followed her guts, and in Swarek's book of neverending pursuit of bending the rules, it was rule number one.

He had tried to give her a hard time at first, seeking revenge for inadvertently exposing his cover. But he simply couldn't abide by that. She radiated energy and empathy, she was willing to play by his rules, and they were simply meant to cruise together. They were a great team. Boyko probably sensed it from the start. He knew they would be good for each other, even if he intended with this decision to defuse a weird situation that could have jeopardised potential missions. He had been happy to comply. His plan was to make her suffer and regret what she had done to him on her first day being a rookie. It was his first mistake.

Nobody was equipped to fuel any resentment against Andy McNally after a day spent in her company. Despite their history, she gave him her complete trust, never second guessing his decisions and ultimately, she had managed to save his sorry ass. Of course, she was not only sharp and fierce, she was sexy as hell and a real flirt, though unwittingly. It took him a split second to be attracted to her, that first day when she arrested him. He could spot a rookie at first sight, and this one, she was fearless. It took him a day to act upon it, but his timing might have been off because she rejected him. It was a close call though. It took him the best part of the last couple of months to admit that he was in love with his perfect rookie, but hey, he was a hopeless romantic. And now, he knew that he would protect her, no matter what. Even from himself. He never expected that she would choose Callaghan over him, but it was okay. He will be there for her when he ditches her in a few months like he had repeatedly ditched his previous catches.

Everything was running so smoothly between us that he could barely remember now why he was so pissed at her. Big fat lie. He knew exactly why. He should have insisted and make her talk, that night in the locker room. They should have gotten drunk together. He should never have let her jump him and worse he should never have responded to it. He had failed her that night. But since she had been in his arms, he could not think straight. That was his second mistake. When you are on the job, you cannot afford to lose control. He knew that all too well. He did not try to call her. He figured she needed some space to figure things out by herself.

He was not even mad that she had gone to Callaghan's love shack. He was mad because he had been a fool and lost her because of his own actions. He had felt the attraction, he had listened to her moaning under his touch, felt her skin. He could not let go of her so easily. That was too much to ask. He knew it was wrong, and that made him even angrier. So he let her cruise with a bunch of morons he would not have trusted with picking up his dry cleaning, let her work her ass off for Shaw and Andrews, locking her down at the barn. That was his third mistake. She was right in front of him, a constant reminder he had failed her on so many levels he had lost count. The worse part was that he was hurting her. It was intolerable.

If he kept his smug, selfish and arrogant act, he will lose her. Big time. That was nothing like him. He did not want to turn into that guy he had never seen before in his life. And yet, it was getting worse by the minute. He could not control his jealousy any more. He was even jealous of Traci or Epstein.

When he hit the Penny, he had had one too many already. Jerry was engulfed in foreplay with Nash. He winced. He could have used a drinking buddy. It had been his worse day since Andy's trip to Simcoe. Best had paired him with Peck. The girl was a walking nightmare and a real pain in the ass. There was no way she was going to graduate, godfather or not. To make matters even worse, Andy had been late for parade, and he barely had a glimpse of her the whole day. It felt ridiculous, but he was having a bad case of withdrawal. He flipped his cell, ready to call her, to apologize, to do whatever it took to make it go away, to put an end to this charade once and for all. He had to tell her she was experiencing post-traumatic stress the night of the blackout; that it makes people behave in the strangest ways. No harm done, that he had been the one acting like a lunatic. That he was sorry.

And then he saw her, sweet talking Diaz, holding his hands, laughing. It felt like something had hit him in full force. His self-control slipped away in a split second and he saw red. When Diaz' eyes crossed his, his fists clenched and he glared balefully back. The poor guy went totally red and nodded frantically. And then he watched her turn towards him in slow motion, disgust written all over her face. He recoiled under that second blow. She rapidly turned away and resumed her conversation with Diaz. Now he felt numb.

"No, I'm not!" The Penny went silent, every single patron checking in her direction.

He took a deep breath, averting his gaze from the happy couple. He could bear losing her for Callaghan, but Diaz? Come on! He closed his eyes. It was time to move on. She was driving him crazy. He had to forget he had even met her in the first place. Go back undercover. _Don't be so dramatic Sam, you'll get over it_. He stood up and started to walk to the back door. She was agitated now and Diaz looked like he would rather be any place else. Epstein sprung back when he strode past him, spilling half his beer on his shirt. He kept on walking to the exit. Almost there. Her glass bounced onto the floor, and he snapped.

"McNally, giving a hard time to one of your numerous suitors? Callaghan is a very tolerant man," he groaned. She was so close that he could smell her scent. She looked up. He melted inside but held on to his poker face. She seemed desperate.

"It's not what you th…"

"Whatever McNally. Good night Diaz," he said before rushing out to the back lot.


	4. Chapter 4

ROOKIE BLUE

_**ALL IN ALL**_

_Thank you guys for all the suport. Really appreciate it :)_

-o-

Part 4

As soon as he was outside, realisation sank in that I had made his fourth mistake. When provoked, she never let go, she attacked. He stopped dead in his tracks, cursing in a low voice. Why in hell did he have to talk to her on his way out? It was too late to blame it on his current stage of intoxication. His best move would be to wait for her and sort out this mess. Get it out in the open, once and for all. He was unsure that he could think straight, but should he had, he would have taken a sprint to his truck without looking back. But he simply stood there, his back to the door and his mind drifted while he tried to find a way to get through to her.

She dashed out a few seconds later yelling his name. "Sam, stop!" She almost lost her balance before bumping into him.

"Or what," he said. That was familiar. "What do you want McNally?" If he was going down, it won't be without a fight.

"Sam, at least have the decency to look at me." Her voice was ice cold. He slowly turned around to face her. She had that fierce look on her face. _Man, she's really beautiful when she's pissed_, he thought, locking his eyes on hers to the best of his ability. She recoiled but went on bravely, bracing herself against a potential outburst. "Listen, I'm tired of what's been going on between us. It's been so awkward, Sam. I'll do whatever you want me to do, I'll get a transfer, whatever it takes. I don't care. I know that I can't rewind, so I just have to deal with it, I guess. I just want this nightmare to stop. Please, aren't you going to say anything?"

He shrugged. Despite his better judgment, "I have no idea what you're babbling about. I'm tired McNally, it's late, we're not on duty. Can't you just leave me alone?"

"I'm afraid not. You started it. I think we should talk, really."

He found he was losing his temper again. "What is it then, not happy with the paper work and all the petty tasks? Get on with it McNally, you're still in training, remember?"

"That my point exactly, -sir. When I'm on duty, we're not even partnering any more. All I'm doing is writing reports and filing more paperwork and gluing your damned invoices back together. It's getting old."

"Not happy, huh?" he managed to say in a low voice. "I thought you'd like that."

She almost hissed. "No I don't!" she yelled. "And you know what? You're still supposed to train me. Is it what you're doing so far? Is it working for you, because it's not working for me. I could go to Best and…"

"… and tell him that you want to transfer? It's going to stick to you. With your record, not such a great idea."

"What is it supposed to mean?"

"It means that you can't change the past McNally. Your father did what he did, and you're his daughter. Do the math."

"It has nothing to do with my father, and you know this better than anyone."

He sighed. She was right. He was unfair. If she owed him an apology, he owed her an explanation. "I meant I thought you'd like to be away from me."

She gasped for air. "You know what?" she said again, "You were wrong. It was not what it was. At least not for me. And for the last couple of weeks, I've been wondering how to get things back to the way they were before I... the night of the blackout, I lost it okay? Are you going to punish me for the rest of my life?"

He rolled his eyes and turned around. He started to walk to his car. His vision was hazy, his breath shallow, he felt painfully aware that he was in no condition to talk, let alone drive. He winced. And he was stuck with McNally on that darn parking lot. So much for being a smart ass back there. He pressed frantically his car remote. Nothing happened. He could hear Andy catching up behind him.

"Sir please?" she begged.

"McNally, there's nothing to say. Just forget it. I don't care. You may think whatever you want. I'm going home."

"No you're not!" She closed the distance between them and step in between him and the car, with her back to the door.

"Are you going to jump me again? Tackle me?"

The rest of the sentence hung up in the air while she kept staring at him, determination written all over her face. Even with the poor light, his face was distorted by something she had never seen before. Was it desperation? He sounded desperate enough. Or was he just pissed?

"Sir… Sam, I just want to…" she stumbled on her words, not really knowing what to say next.

"Yes, McNally, what? What is it that you want from me?" he said in a louder voice, throwing up his arms. "Let's get this over with."

She felt her anger receding. "I just want things to go back to normal, sir."

"What?" he said again, shaking his head in disbelief. "Normal ? What is normal McNally? Had there ever been anything normal since you burned me? I'm sorry, I tried. It's not working."

She did not know what to do next. He pushed her aside and pressed the remote again. Still nothing. "Darn piece of garbage," he hissed kicking the tires. He pounded on the hood. "Can't you just go away, Andy? Please," he begged in a low monotone without looking at her.

"No can do." Her voice was soothing. "You're right, I was wrong to come to your place,'" she blurted out, "and…"

"Yes, you were," he interrupted. "I cannot agree more. But you cannot undo it either, so leave it be McNally for god's sake! I'm your training officer. Hopefully, in a couple of weeks you'll graduate or whatever and you'll be out of my hair. You'll ask for a transfer or you'll quit the job. Now I just want to be alone with John."

"John?" she asked, puzzled.

He raised his arm and she noticed the brown bag and the bottle.

"Oh, I see. Your plan is to get dosed to oblivion with some cheap booze. When are you going to take responsibility for all this mess? At least, I'm trying."

"At least I – have a plan. And it was not cheap."

She sighed. "I know I screwed up that night. But I mean, you said that you were there for me."

"Not exactly what I had in mind McNally." _Oh, man, you're such a liar_. "Why didn't you call Callaghan? Isn't he your boyfriend?"

"Not any more. We.. we sort of broke up. And Luke never asked me if I was okay," she whispered.

"What's that?"

"I said that I didn't think of Luke. I mean you're my TO, it's only normal than I think of you when it comes to the job. Sam, I killed a man. I was… I don't know. I needed you to be there for me. I don't know why I came to your place. It was a mistake. I'm sorry. Can't you forgive me?"

"I sure wish you hadn't," he mumbled, leaning in on the hood of his car nursing his bottle. He let his head drop to his chest, his jaws clenching. "McNally, you want me to be honest? I'm okay with the kissing and making out part," he finally said. "I guess you figured that much. I didn't exactly push you away that night." She looked surprised. "The one thing I don't get is why you stopped."

She took a deep breath. That was a fair question. "The lights went back on," she stated bravely, trying as hard as she could to keep her poker face on.

"You kidding me right? You do know that I'm a police officer? You wouldn't even stand a chance in front a jury if you ask me."

She bit her lower lip and nodded. "You know what? You're right. When you left, Luke called me. And I freaked out."

"It makes sense," he scoffed. "What did he say?"

"I have no idea. I rejected the call. And he didn't leave a message. I checked after I… well you know. I mean he probably thought that I was passed out in my bed or something. I was so exhausted."

"Interesting."

"Interesting?" she felt her anger coming back in full blast. "What does that even mean?"

"I mean that you didn't want to make a decision. Let me ask you something. What would you have done if I'd been back sooner?"

She was happy that her face was concealed by her hair and the poor light. "I don't know."

"At least, can't you be honest too?"

Her hands balled into fists. She looked away. "I wanted you. Okay?" she almost yelled. "It was so intense that it scared me. You happy now?"

"No, McNally, I'm not. That's exactly the point."

"Perfect. You know what, I don't even care any more that you don't talk to me. As far as I'm concerned, I'm done."

"There's nothing to talk about Andy. You jumped me, you left without any explanation and you went back directly to Luke and his love shack. What am I supposed to do?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"When you figure it out, give me a call then. Now get away from my car."

"No."

"No?"

"No. Give me your keys. I'll drive you home. You're in non condition to drive right now."

"You're not getting my keys."

"It wouldn't be the first time. Think of it that way, Swarek. Best let me drive than having your tires sliced up."

"You wouldn't…" She gave him a menacing stare. "Okay. But…"

"Get in the car."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, get – in – the – car –NOW."

"M'am, yes M'am."


	5. Chapter 5

ROOKIE BLUE

_**ALL IN ALL**_

_I'm so glad that you like this story, guys__, i'm having real fun writing it . Thanks for the great support, I hope you like this (very short) transition chapter. Thanks a bunch, you're amazing!_

-o-

PART 5

Sam Swarek was half seated on a desk, his head resting on his hand.

"So Sammy," Oliver Shaw piped in, "I saw you take off with your rookie last night at the Penny. You remember what I told you, right?" The voice in his back jolted him back on alert.

"Yeah, yeah," he nodded, squinting his eyes. He winced. "Please don't shout. Headache?" He pointed a finger to his temple and made a meaningful face.

"You've been drinking again?"

Swarek chuckled. "Yep. My bad."

"And? Care to elaborate. You know that you can't…"

"She saw that I was too pissed to drive and she gave me a ride home, okay?" he volunteered, raising his eyebrow. "No big deal, don't make a fuss already."

"If you say so my friend, if you say so…" Ollie trailed. He took a bunch of paperwork from the desk and his eyes fanned the room. He spotted Sam's rookie on the opposite end of the bullpen. "You sure you don't have to come clean for anything?"

"I'm not gambling again, if that's what you mean," Sam stated with a straight face. "Now please, would you leave me alone? Of all days, Best wants me to take McNally on patrol today, man I have no idea how I'm gonna pull this off. She'll probably do all the work alone."

"I think she can take it. She's the best rookie we've had in years. I can't tell about her training officer though," Shaw insisted.

Sam shot him another blank stare and nodded. "Yeah, she's good."

"Okay." Shaw shook his head. "Don't say that I didn't warn you buddy," he said in a very low voice. "Diaz! Coffee was good? Got enough time to prep up? Whenever you're ready, rook!" he yelled.

Diaz jumped to his feet, leaving a puzzled Epstein instantly. Traci looked up, frowned at Swarek's expression and glanced back to Andy McNally who kept typing on her keyboard like a maniac. She bent over the desk. "Care to tell me what's going on with Swarek? Last time I checked you two were like cats and dogs and now he can't keep his eyes away from you?"

"Trace, don't start again. He was so drunk last night that I had to drive him home."

"And you're the one with the hangover?" Traci asked. "How convenient!"

"Would you stop it?" Andy whispered. "Try to keep your detective skills to yourself or Dov is going to start feeding the rumour mill before parade's over," she pleaded.

Traci turned around to find Epstein practically glued to her back.

"Need something Dov?"

"No, I'm good," he backed off. "So big day today! I'm glad to finally get a chance to work with the D' Squad."

"Don't get your hopes up, Dov, you're only acting as a liaison for this one day," she said, managing to keep an eye on Andy who seemed lost in her thoughts. She realized that she was staring at Swarek and gave her a nudge. "Get out of it, sister. After this shift is over, you got a lot of explaining to do. Dov, don't you dare snoop around or I'll kick your ass." She spotted officer Williams and waved. "Noelle, I'm all set." Noelle beamed back. "Later," she said to her fellow rookies and she scurried after her TO.

Andy resumed her staring. "So you and Swarek," Dov whispered in her ear.

She turned to him. "Please don't shout, I'm high as a kite."

Dov recoiled. "God, what have you been drinking? Huh… You left early yesterday though. I was just talking about…"

"Stop poking your nose where it doesn't belong. There's nothing going on with Sam. We just had a few drinks last night," she chuckled. "Too many actually…"

"I can smell that."

"… and my head is killing me. So would you please give me some space here," she said, her eyes hazy. He smiled, and shot a glance to Swarek who was coming their way. "Speak of the devil," he muttered.

"Officer McNally." Sam stopped near Epstein and fiddled with his belt buckle.

Andy looked up and felt a tingling sensation creep across her face. She smiled. "Officer Swarek."

"You ready to roll?"

"Yep, let me get my gear."

"Okay. I'll wait outside," Swarek smiled back.

They left in opposite directions and Epstein ran to Peck's desk.

"Seen that? They are so sleeping together."

Gail didn't even bother to look up. "Yeah, whatever," she said.


	6. Chapter 6

ROOKIE BLUE

**_ALL IN ALL_**

_Thanks for the great feedback guys! I'm sad that this story is almost over. It didn't quite turned out the way I planned but I guess it could have been a lot worse!_

-o-

**_Part 6_**

When she crossed the lot, she spotted him immediately. He was slouched on the hood of the 1519 cruiser, his arms folded, his head sinking to his chest. When she reached him, he didn't even bother to open his eyes. "You drive," he said, passing around the car without looking at her. He got settled in the passenger seat.

She threw her bag on the back seat, and took the wheel. "Where to, sir?"

"Ssshhh… Don't shout, please!" he begged, the corner of his mouth twitching. "Just drive East. I don't want the sun in my face. Maybe we'll get through this day without a hitch. Try not to over think anything and your bad luck might even turn around."

"Say that again? What's your point, that I'm bad luck?"

"I'm saying that I didn't witness any of your Irish luck so far," he grinned, his eyes still closed.

"If I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all," she snapped, feigning righteous indignation. The patrol car left the station smoothly and engaged in traffic.

"You must have pulled out all the stops then."

She chuckled. "I'll behave," she promised.

At some point, after a few miles cruising, she realized he was sound asleep and she stopped the car in an alley.

"Sam? Sam?"

"Mmm, yeah, yeah, I'm not sleeping."

"Maybe you should drive. And teach me something."

"Today?"

"Why not?"

"Andy, look at me." He opened his eyes and shot her his best puppy stare. "I'm a mess, I'm gonna need at least a gallon of coffee just to keep my eyes open! And I'll be grumpy. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want grumpy, right?"

"You're the one who wanted to show me how it's done," she grinned. "I had no idea that you couldn't hold your liquor," she said, voice full of bravado.

"I can!" he shouted and sat up before moaning in despair, massaging his temple. "But not today," he trailed.

"I can see that." She fumbled in back of the car and throw him a bottle of water. "At least, you stay hydrated."

With that, she pulled away. Her head was still pounding. Despite her boasting, she felt weak and disoriented. She tried to concentrate on the road and potential suspects but after a couple of minutes, her thoughts inevitably drifted back to the night before.

_"Hey Sam, we're here."_

_A soft snore echoed her voice. Great, she thought, mulling over the possibility of leaving him in his car to sleep it off. But he'll be mad at her. Madder that is. Things were difficult enough with her TO. She nudged him gently, eliciting louder snores and a few punches. "Sam!" she shouted. _

_He __scowled. "Now what?"_

_"You're h__ere Sam."_

_He shuddered and looked around. "Where's here?"_

_She patted him on the arm. __"Listen, I'm going to keep your truck and drive myself home. I'll come and get you tomorrow morning. You okay with that? Do you need my help?"_

_It had taken him a few seconds to come back to his senses. "Want to have a last drink?" he tried._

_"No thanks, I think I'll pass," she smiled. She punched his arm. "And you Sam, you need to get some sleep, and you've had enough for tonight already if you ask me."_

_"Good, because I don't. Come on. Just one drink," he begged. "We could talk…" He flashed her a wide grin._

_"What if I ta__ke you to your word?"_

_She didn't plan that they'd start to argue, but they did. It was surprisingly arousing._

_"That's ridiculous," he finally said. "What you need is not a good night sleep, it's getting drunk with your partner. That's exactly what we should have done that night__, to get the shooting out of your system. And that's exactly what I plan we do tonight."_

_"Sam, it's alcohol talking, you…"_

_"Damn right it is McNally. You'll thank me later. Come on."_

_It was a stupid idea. That's probably why she had followed him to his place, -that and the fact that she'd rather be with him than without. She had missed him, and it was a great opportunity to start again from scratch._

_"Okay."_

_He genuinely looked happy for a second. She remembered she frowned. Why would he? _

While they were cruising, Sam kept his eyes closed and tried to piece together last night events. He really had to rein in the drinking. He could only remember flashes. He glanced in Andy's direction. She was driving with her eyes on the road, absorbed in her own thoughts. But even though they had only exchanged a few words since they had left the precinct, cruising together felt easy and natural again. All the awkwardness was gone. He checked his watch and realized that they had been riding for the last two hours.

"What about some coffee?" he asked gently, patting her arm.

"Oh, yes!" she sighed with relief. "This headache is killing me."

"We didn't have much sleep last night."

"Yeah, and too much to drink. But at least we're good!" she beamed. "We are. Totally worth it! But, seriously, you should consider buying another brand. My mouth tastes like sand."

"Tell me about it," he chuckled. "Best headache of my life."

She pulled over on a diner lot and killed the engine. She sat back, unbuckled her seat belt and massaged her neck. "I really could use 24 hours of sleep…" she sighed, clenching the wheel. She closed her eyes. Her hands slid on her lap. Swarek watched her as she fell asleep instantly. He sat back and went back eight hours before.

_"I __said, get – in – the – car –NOW!" _

_"M'am, yes M'am," he __sniggered. He came closer, his mood boosted by a__n unexpected rush of adrenaline. No way she was going to force him into doing anything. He was a mere few inches from her. His hands fell on her shoulders, and he shoved her brutally against the car. He knew that it was so totally wrong but he could not stop. She was wiggling in his arms, trying to get away. Her body, her scent, the heat radiating from her, it was far more intoxicating than he had anticipated. He heard himself groan and he pinned her to the car, pressing his body against her. She went limp and he stopped. She was staring at him with a mix of fear and lust. Fear. That's exactly what had brought him back to reality. He let her go and took a step back._

_"Give me my keys."_

_"No, you cannot drive. Please, let me drive you home."_

_"McNally…"_

_"Come on Sam,__" she came closer and put her flat hand on his chest, "I'm pretty sure I saw Ollie coming out the back door."_

_"So what?" he snapped._

_"I know that__ you don't care about your career, but I don't plan on resigning anytime soon, so please, will you just get in the darn truck… please?"_

_When she stopped in front of his building, he was hal__f asleep on the passenger seat. She tried to wake him up. "Sam, we're here."_

_"Where's here?" he mumbled, blinking. _

_"You're home, you and John," she chuckled._

_He was drunk, but not that drunk. He __was tired. It's been a long day. And her being next to him in her truck, that was sort of perfect. Before he had time to think it over, "Want to have a last drink?"_

_"No thanks, I think I'll pass," she smiled. _

_It had taken him some persuasion to convince her. He had to resort to saying things he was not proud in retrospect._

_"I can't Sam."_

_"Of course you can. You simply don't want to. You afraid of getting carried away?"_

_"I can behave," she said with a straight face._

_"Yeah, yeah, been there, __seen that, done that…"_

_"Are you daring me?"_

_He locked his eyes on her. __Next time he knew, she was on her couch, filling one shot glass after another._

He got out of the car as silently as he could possibly manage. Shading his eyes from the sun, he trotted up to the diner. He'll wake her with a large cup of strong coffee and they'll be good to go. He pushed the glass door. The door ring echoed in his head and a light moan escaped his lips. The diner was unusually quiet for this time of day. His eyes fanned the room. An old guy crumpled in his booth in the left corner, a middle aged woman with yellow hair in the middle. The waitress had puffy eyes and a red complexion. Oh, oh… Armed robbery in progress. Probably some addict looking for quick cash. He squared his shoulders unconsciously, his hand reaching out to his gun. He unfastened casually the clasp on his way and leaned onto the bar, one elbow on the counter, his other hand concealed by the railing, clenched on his weapon. "Morning," he cheered, his eyes intent. He nodded and put his finger to his mouth. The waitress nodded back, tears welling up.

"What would you need today, officer?" she asked. Her voice was steady enough despite the situation.

"I will have two large light coffees to go. Huh, great day today," he continued, questioning her silently. Her eyes went wide and she shot a terrified glance to the kitchen. She started to breathe heavily. The last thing he needed was a panic attack. He pointed his finger to the coffee maker and she complied in a haze. She was trying her best but her shudder made her spill most of it all over her apron. Sam was making small talk, assessing the situation. From where he stood, he had no direct view inside the kitchen. He stepped to the other end of the counter and fiddled with a basket of pastries. "Are they fresh?" he said loudly. "My partner has a poor stomach, I would not want her to be sick."

The waitress turned around, her face distorted by fear. "What you don't want is her being mad at you, Officer. Pastries and women don't agree. Skip the bagel. You take one for yourself," she insisted.

Okay. So it was only one man. He could probably take him down by himself, but he was concerned with the patrons and unsure of the waitress's reaction. "Right, you're right. She put on some extra weight already." He motioned to the back of the bar, hoping that the guy could not see him and pushed her out of his way. She nodded frantically and he charged inside the kitchen, gun in hand.


End file.
